


no grave can hold me down (i crawl home to her)

by thesurielofficial



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Temporary Character Death, Catra (She-Ra) Redemption, Episode: s05e05 Save The Cat, F/F, POV Catra (She-Ra), She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018) Season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:53:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27207685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesurielofficial/pseuds/thesurielofficial
Summary: Catra dies, her ninth life, the final death. But then, she doesn't.[brainwashed!Catra POV of Save The Cat + her death ft. a realisation.]
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 129





	no grave can hold me down (i crawl home to her)

**Author's Note:**

> title from Work Song by Hozier, because it's such a Catradora song

(i crawl home to her)

“Sister, why do you protest?” one of the Horde Prime clones says, as they all drag Catra to be “purified.” Catra knows that it is pointless to protest, she knows her fate. She will be brainwashed, made into a perfect machine for Horde Prime, and Adora won’t come for her, but they will meet and Catra won’t even be in control to say goodbye. 

She slags, and the clone takes it as a symbol of her love for Horde Prime, for her desire to become better, to become purer.

She does not fight them when they submerge her in the liquid. Lightning arcs across her body, but Catra is used to this sensation of electricity burning up her veins and paralysing her. She does not scream, she refuses to give any of the clones the satisfaction of screaming. It’s eerily quiet, and for some reason they do not chant like they had the last time. 

Catra doesn’t know what she’s fighting, but she tries to fight it all the same. Her mind will be hers for as long as she wants it to be. Horde Prime cannot control her. She won’t be another of his mindless clones. 

Her name is Catra. She will not become another nameless clone. She’s sorry for everything she has done to Adora. She will not be used to hurt her. _Adora_. Her best friend, who she’d betrayed time and time again. One good thing will never undo everything bad she has done and she’s hurt Adora too much. She can’t hurt her anymore. She refuses to. She will not become another mindless clone.

“Why isn’t it working?” she hears one of the clones say.

“Is it because her Adora is here?”

 _Adora? Here? No, no, no! Adora wasn’t supposed to come back, she was supposed to go to Etheria_. Catra can feel her control slipping away.

“Adora?” she cries out.

And then there is nothing. There is no pain. She is at peace. The clones take her out, and Catra smiles.

* * *

“Hello, Adora.” The name doesn’t mean much to her. But she knows what she has to say.

“What did you do to her?” the girl in front of her yells, trying to run to her. 

“I have made her anew. I saw her mind....so ensnared in grief and rage and pain...and I brought her to the light. Isn't that right, little sister?” Horde Prime says. 

“Catra, you have to fight it!” the blonde girl yells at her. She looks devastated, terrified. She doesn’t understand what she has to fight. Why would she fight anything, when she is at peace?

“My place is with Horde Prime, Adora. I don’t want to leave,” she replies.

“Tell her what I’ve done for you,” Horde Prime says, and Catra knows what to do.

She tells the girl that Prime has given her peace. She watches the girl’s face fall, she looks at the anger and the deep sadness etched into her expression and she thinks that perhaps this girl would benefit from Prime’s peace, too.

She doesn’t feel bad for the girl, for _Adora._

_Adora._

Something isn’t right.

She feels Prime’s heavy, no- his comforting, grip on her shoulder as he continues to talk to the girl, to Adora. He tightens his grip on her and for a second, she feels a rush of memories, of sensations.

And then, nothing.

No, not nothing. She feels peace and a devotion to Horde Prime. 

“Ah, but you two must have a lot of catching up to do. I’ll leave you to it. Let me know when you’re ready to make a deal,” she hears Prime say. 

She knows her purpose.

Her claws elongate and she smiles sweetly at the girl in front of her.

At _Adora._

She punches the girl and vaguely feels it connect.

(She can’t feel anything, not really. She is at peace.)

“Catra, listen to me. I know you’re still in there. I’m not leaving without you.” _Catra._ But she isn’t Catra anymore, she has been made anew. She strains at the hold the girl has on her and breaks free.

“Everything is already okay. We are with Prime now. There is no need for you to suffer, Adora. Come into the light with me.”

They continue to fight, and there is something so familiar about this, but she cannot quite put her finger on it.

When the girl saves her from falling over the ledge, she claws at the girl’s back. The girl is painfully predictable.

_Why doesn’t the girl hurt her more?_

But before the thought can even truly form, there is a foreign, no- welcome, presence in her mind and Horde Prime takes over. She feels like she’s paralysed, as she hears Horde Prime’s voice come out of her, as her hands move and she fights.

(Why is she fighting? She is at peace.)

Suddenly, she feels a sharp pain in her neck, the familiar shock of electricity.

_She is Catra._

_No, there are no names for servants of Prime._

There’s a rush of memories and thoughts and there is a blonde girl in most of them.

Catra can feel Horde Prime in her mind again, but she can feel herself too.

Vaguely, she can hear the girl, no, Adora, saying that she won’t give up on her. There is a sharp pain in her neck again. But so much worse and someone is grabbing her and something is exploding and-

_Adora._

_Adora is here._

Catra knows who she is now. She remembers.

“Adora, you should have stayed away. Why did you come back? We both know I don’t matter.” After everything she had done, Adora still came for her. She had done nothing to deserve it. So why would Adora come back?

“You matter to me,” Adora says, and Catra can feel a warm hand on her face. She leans into the touch, desperate for hands she hasn’t felt in years, and she loses her focus. 

Prime is back.

She doesn’t want him in her mind. She refuses to let him be there. She feels herself moving pointlessly, and there is a ledge somewhere.

“You have never listened to anyone in your life. Are you really going to start now?” Adora says, and Catra has never heard her sound this desperate, this terrified. 

She pushes Prime out again. 

“You’re such an idiot,” she says, smiling.

“Yeah, I know,” Adora replies with something between a laugh and a sob. “I’m going to take you home.”

Home? Catra doesn’t have a home anymore. She doesn’t deserve to. The Fright Zone wasn’t a home, not really. And does Catra deserve to call Etheria home when she’s been destroying it her whole life? 

But throughout her life, Catra has been sure of one thing. Blue eyes. Blonde hair. A stupid hair puff. The fact that she hopelessly loves Adora. The fact that she always has.*

She may not have a home, but she has a place in the world. She isn’t sure if she deserves it. 

“Promise?” she asks, her voice weak.

“I promise!” 

Catra reaches out for Adora, but before their hands meet, Prime’s presence is back. 

He speaks through her and she tries, she tries so hard to fight him off.

But then there’s electricity arcing across her spine and she’s falling, falling, falling.

_This is her ninth life. This was her last chance. At least she will die on the right side._

Everything blurs and then she sees black.

* * *

There is a light at the end. 

As Catra walks towards it, she sees Adora. Not Adora as she is now, but when they were younger. They were more carefree, then. 

It changes. They’re barely teenagers and Adora is still Catra’s best friend. The lights are dimmed, and they’re whispering about something. Catra can’t see it, but she knows what was happening back then. Catra had always loved Adora, those were the nights on which she realised it.

The scene shifts. Catra asking Adora to come back, Adora leaving her. 

Catra refuses to cry. She looks away and moves on.

Princess Prom: dancing with Adora, so calm on the surface while getting completely flustered on the inside. She had been distracting Adora, but for a while, she’d gotten pretty distracted too.

Giving Adora the sword, letting her escape. It’s not because I like you.

(Why hadn’t she let Shadow Weaver brainwash Adora? She knows the answer. She can say it to herself now.)

Letting go of Adora, letting her fall into a chasm, telling her that she’s better off now that Adora’s left the Horde.

Opening the portal. Getting stuck in an alternate universe. Having Adora back only to lose her again.

(Adora always left.)

Catra walks towards the light, but as she nears it, she hears someone calling out to her.

She turns, and she sees Adora. Not the Adora of years ago, but Adora like she was only a few minutes ago, hair falling apart, eyes desperate.

Adora didn’t always leave. Adora had come back for her.

She walks towards Adora, and the memories around her begin to fade away.

All she can see is Adora telling her she’s taking her home, Adora promising her with tears in her eyes. 

She takes Adora’s hand.

* * *

When Catra wakes up, she’s warm, pressed up against Adora, who holds her so gently. She smiles at Adora.

“Hey, Adora.” Her voice sounds broken, tired.

Adora sobs and clutches her tightly, so tight it almost hurts.

But Catra hugs her back anyway, just as tightly.

She’s home.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a g e s ago but i never posted it on here ;-;
> 
> Also, I made a Carry On reference!! Let me know if you spotted it. I put an asterisk there, because those are not my words. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are highly appreciated!!


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